Random Thoughts Again

hmmm..
i dont know what to title this blog...
for the first time i am not copy pasting a thing that i had already written but m letting my feelings flow on this page right now...
well the randomness in my life is now making me think..
i m not able to focus on anything in particular right now..
there is so much to do.. a never ending list of chores.. a never ending of things that i have to study..
a never ending list of questions to be tried.. a never ending list of answers to be found..
but the sole purpose of my life is not being fulfilled-- my only and ultimate aim to keep people around me happy is not working out..
there is always someone or something that keeps pushing my goal further away..
there is always some expectations not met... there is always some problem that i unknowingly cause..
it feels so bad( for want of a better word)
i feel like a looser..
everyone expects me to do well .. everyone expects me to be d best..
but i crush these hopes daily... i dont do well.. i am not even able to do 1% of what is expected out of me...
but i let them hope..
i let them put their expectations in me...
i let them dream...
and then i crush them..
shatter them to the core...
but i dont do it deliberately...
this is the only thought that provides me some solace ..
but now i feel maybe it is my fault..
i m fed up of lying to myself..
it is my fault..
everything is my fault...
i accept but do nothing to change it...