Damn This LIFE

well again a bad incident happened..
today when i was walking back from college i stopped by the market to buy some regular stuff..
as i came out of the market a person n bike slowed his bike and passed a lewd comment and went away..
he was one of d local population called "GUJJAR"...
a local milkman...
and after this i didn't know what to do or what to say or what to expect..
i was alone and couldn't do anything except ignore the comment and pretend that it hadn't happened..
but the whole image has been haunting me from that time..
i couldn't sleep..
the incident keeps popping up in my head..
though it isn't fr the first time that such a thing has happened but i was stuck with the gravity of situation today..
i couldn't have done anything even if the person had tried to do anything more drastic..
i don't know what t do about it even now..
and the irony of the situation was that here i was- a would be engineer.. a cat aspirant.. with dreams in eyes to change the world..
and yet so helpless...

striving to change the reality

A BEGGAR WITH DREAMS...
that is what i m right now...
a person always asking for something..
wishing for more..
wishing for what i don't have..
trying t get what i cant have...
still keep desiring, dreaming and asking...
but writting this and accepting this as a fact feels good..
it gives the encouragement to change..
i don't want to be d beggar...
not now..
and not in future..
it gives me d strength to work even when i m tired..
my friends think i m going nuts..
but i m just trying to change the reality..
i don't want to hold the begging bowl any longer..
i just want to stand up..
and stop asking...

normally abnormal or abnormally normal...

i don't know for how long people have called me weird..
i dnt even remember who was the first person to call me "WEIRD" or "ABNORMAL"..
this branding is a part f society i guess..
but u know what..
now i like it..
i like my tag of being weird, being abnormal..
if being normal means just being the part of crowd and accepting things without questioning then i m happy being curiously weird..
if being normal means just being stuck in mundane rutt then i m happy being the rebel who tries to do things in a different way..
who judges whether a person is normal or weird..
its just a relative thing..
slight deviation from normal is termed as weird by people..
if u wud rather read books than go shopping u r weird..
if u wud rather find meaningful work than run after money again u r weird..

so stop caring whether people find u crazy or not..
whether u r called weird or normal..
just do what ur heart says..
becoz it is a relative rating..
and that is dumb...

just a quote

Ever morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.

- an extract from THE WORLD IS FLAT BY THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN.....
awesome lines..

song

The Call (Regina Spektor)

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and now one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger ans stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye



i have been listening to only this song for the past three days and it seems that each word of the song seems to convey something new to me each time it plays...
it shows the frivolousness of the world somehow to me...
everything starts in such a small way but the grows into a big thing and soon shatters again..
and we are just left waiting....
waiting and wanting are just two things we normally do in entire lifetime...
just always waiting and wanting more...

Random Thoughts Again

hmmm..
i dont know what to title this blog...
for the first time i am not copy pasting a thing that i had already written but m letting my feelings flow on this page right now...
well the randomness in my life is now making me think..
i m not able to focus on anything in particular right now..
there is so much to do.. a never ending list of chores.. a never ending of things that i have to study..
a never ending list of questions to be tried.. a never ending list of answers to be found..
but the sole purpose of my life is not being fulfilled-- my only and ultimate aim to keep people around me happy is not working out..
there is always someone or something that keeps pushing my goal further away..
there is always some expectations not met... there is always some problem that i unknowingly cause..
it feels so bad( for want of a better word)
i feel like a looser..
everyone expects me to do well .. everyone expects me to be d best..
but i crush these hopes daily... i dont do well.. i am not even able to do 1% of what is expected out of me...
but i let them hope..
i let them put their expectations in me...
i let them dream...
and then i crush them..
shatter them to the core...
but i dont do it deliberately...
this is the only thought that provides me some solace ..
but now i feel maybe it is my fault..
i m fed up of lying to myself..
it is my fault..
everything is my fault...
i accept but do nothing to change it...